Hope Diminished

March 17, 2006

Last night at band practice I couldn’t get my vocal down.  That was frustrating.  I could blame it on the fact I warmed up two hours earlier and was no longer warmed up.  I could blame it on the fact I have had a lot of dairy products lately, much more than usual.

But I resign to the fact I don’t have the skills yet.  And that is hugely frustrating.  It’s like knowing your destination, but the way to get there is not clear.  Now I am beginning to doubt if I will ever have full clarity, that is, the pre-cognition required to sing intervals properly to my level of satisfaction.  My quest for absolute pitch over the years just compounds this issue.  I know I could improve with more practice but will I ever get there.  Somehow I can’t help but feel defeated in some way.

Mind you this is not a cry for my friends to give me false hope or encouragement out of pity.  I just needed to type this out to understand the 180 in my attitude; to level set my reaction to disappointment.  I am such an extremist still after all these years.  I want it all or nothing. 

It’s amazing this one event could change my mood for over 12 hours.  Perhaps I am too German for my own good.



  1. I’d like to add that the main vocalist was rather patient and quite constructive in his feedback last night, pointing out the weak spots and how to fix them. Thanks dude!

  2. I would say this in private, but it can’t hurt to be said in public – so, if this embarrases you, please forgive me. 😉

    It takes a lot of courage to sing in front of people. That being said, I am extremely proud of you. You have worked very hard to improve your skills, because you have a passion and desire for music – and not just that, music that brings honor and glory to God. You may not have felt it last night, but that hard work has paid off. You have improved tremendously!

    Derek Webb is tough to sing, man. Your effort was very good for your experience level – your weakness was to be expected for your experience level. Like I said – it is a lot to bite off on just your THIRD public effort EVER.

    Be encouraged. You are loved, you are appreciated, and you are a beloved brother in Christ. And while your new found singing skills develop, you bring a box of mad guitar skills to the table – that you developed over 20 years.

    Remember, you’ve really only been trying to sing for the past 7 months. Be patient.

  3. Ahhhh… perspective. Thanks.

    Good thing I didn’t try to sing a Stevie Wonder song. 😀

  4. Baby, you are so commited to this thing, I know you will succeed! You have grown so much already, it’s amazing. I’m so proud of you for sticking with it. It’s been hard for me to grasp why it’s such a big deal for you to be able to sing, but it shouldn’t matter why. If it’s a dream of yours-it’s a dream of mine. You’ve made my dream come true by making me a mommy to four great kids that I can stay home with everyday. Thank you for that!
    I’ve been your biggest critic, and will now be your biggest fan. I should have been all along. Please forgive me. I will help in any way I can if you want me to.
    I love you terribly! You have a beautiful heart and are a great father. Being a great singer will come with time. Don’t give up! :0)

  5. Clearly you have sinned and God is punishing you. ;^P

    I agree with John. You’re still developing the technical skills. In time you will develop more style and be able to build more skills on top of the ones that will be second nature with more practice. Remember trying to get your fingers to do that Bm for the first time?

    In drum speak, I encourage you to focus on “keeping the tempo solid and not to worry about fancy fills.” Ya gotta be able to play Uptown Girl by Billy Joel before you can play YYZ by Rush.

    It was late, I couldn’t even keep respectable time. :^)

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